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The problem was that even though I was very fond of him, and I hated what I would have to do to a man who had given me many good times, I now knew that I didn't really love him, not like I loved Sarah, with every cell of my being.Just thinking of her obliquely led my hand to stray down to my sex. I parted my legs a little, and toyed with the curls, a tingle of tenderness and the first hint of arousal teasing my nerves. Thinking of Ed with warmth and regret, I remembered again the drugs in the inner pocket of my suitcase. I thought of Ed and I, stoned, fucking crazily, or languorously ... I thought of the Mandrax, and how easily and pleasurably Ed buggered me when I took half a Mandy beforehand. I thought of Sarah's hand ... I stroked it as she slept, and imagined it squeezing into me...And then, in the peace and calm of that morning, which was really the first chance I had had to reflect upon the vast and sudden changes to my life, I thought of something else very important that had. But you said she wasn’t using alcohol, right?”“I think I’ve seen Jess take five drinks in nearly three years, and most of those were at our wedding or on our honeymoon. And when she does, it’s a swallow, nothing more. As for drugs, I can’t even begin to imagine she’s using anything.”“They did a full tox-screen at the facility in Maine and it was clean. And it wasn’t just urine and blood; they did hair samples as well. Given her long hair, if she’d been using anything during or before her breakdown, they’d have found it.”“There’s more there, Al. She as much as admitted that to me. I’d guess she was straight with the facility in Maine.”And that ‘more’ bothered me. I didn’t know what it was, and I still wasn’t sure that Jessica could handle it. It had taken me a lot longer than two months to work through my issues with Doctor Mercer back in Milford and Doctor Alborg here in Chicago. And despite concerted efforts by Bethany, Anala, Kara, Elyse, Sofia, and Jennifer, I STILL had issues..
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